Slice of Heaven
by lokogato
Summary: Yes, it's true. lokogato-sama went and wrote ANOTHER songfic-Wait! Don't run yet! X/F, written for Xmas, finished too late-Filia reflects on how she and Xel got to where they are. If fluff is a category, this would fit into it. Read, you'll get it, R+R!!!


Slice of Heaven

_Dedicated to Lokopata-sama_

_-Singing carols,_

_Stringing popcorn,_

_Making footprints_

_In the snow-_

It's been … so long … so … very long, since I've celebrated this particular holiday. So long since I've ever felt any mood resembling celebration on this day. Every time I pass a singer on the streets, carrying a well-used and dog-eared hymnbook, I get a pang in my chest and a tingling behind my eyes. Like … like tears.

This year, though … this year, not only will I celebrate … this year I will celebrate with happiness, without bitterness … with love.

Love.

_-Memories,_

_Christmas memories,_

_They're the sweetest one I know-_

I can almost feel it all, the way we all used to be- so happy, so cheerful, all of us excited and up bright and early. We five priestesses in training, crowding around the green, bristling tree, eagerly taking packages off the branches-

_'Hey, Filia, I think this one's yours!'_

Hoarding them jealously, counting them over and over and then comparing with the others, to see if perhaps one had been favored more than the other. Looking at the wrapping, the sparkling bows, admiring the way the light fell as it caught the metallic gold and silver of the paper- it was the day we'd all been counting down to … since last time.

_-Cookies baking_

_In the kitchen,_

_Cards and ribbons_

_Everywhere-_

It was that year- we five were but one millennia- that Beastmaster Zelas Mettallium ordered her faithful servant to decimate my race. We were reduced to a mere fraction of our past population, but I was protected … then, I did not know why. Now, I do. 

We saved … the young. But only the promising young. We saved the old. Yet only the revered, the wise. We saved those in between. Because they were the only ones fit to fight, to perhaps protect us. And this is why only a few of us survived. Sometimes, I wonder- wonder if maybe, just maybe- if maybe we had tried, at least _tried_, to let a few more live, rather than sacrificing them all, maybe, we would still be here. Maybe there would be more than one of our powerful race still alive.

I feel guilty, too. Guilty, because of the fact that I knew nothing of my- my race's- faults, guilty, because I did not understand and did not speak out. 

Or perhaps I did understand. Perhaps … I chose not to speak out. Because it would be met with disapproval … because no one would listen.

What if … what if I had tried? What if they had listened to me?

What if the others had survived? Would we now still number but one?

What if … what if … what if nothing ever happened? If L-sama did not reach out her hand and twist into being our world, our plane? What if we never existed?

I would not have gone on the journey. I would not have seen what I have seen … I would still be innocent, naïve, knowing nothing. I would not have met my comrades, my friends. I would not have met …

Him.

_-Frosty Christmas memories,_

_Float like snowflakes_

_In the air-_

The last time I spent this holiday with laughter was in the Darkstar campaign, the one night we spent in the inn- a drafty, cold, dank place, but filled with smiles, good wishes, cheer. People were happy, they were excited, and they were anticipating both reactions to their gifts and receiving their own. Even the six of us were smiling joyfully, sneaking up to our rooms to check that the presents were in place, and that no one was trying to sneak a peek early. We caught Lina a few times, too. Even Zelgadis had a real smile on his face.

Well, I shouldn't say six of us.

Five of us were.

The last, dark-haired and amethyst-eyed, was sitting in a corner, drinking himself into oblivion. 

Too bad Mazoku can't get drunk. Comes with being spirit forms- spirits don't get drunk. Only physical bodies do, and Mazoku don't have a physical body.

So that was our scene- Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev sitting at a table sipping suspiciously at frothy drinks that looked more foam than actual drink, not speaking, because words were not needed, Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun and Zelgadis Greywers sitting at another, each trying to catch the other looking, but then looking quickly away when they did glance at them- me, at my own table, surveying them with something of a smug smile on my face-

-I can plot if I wish! It isn't as if I'm completely innocent and against manipulation- a little here and there would do us all a world of good, but continuing-

-and Xellos Mettallium, sitting in the darkest part of the pub, beer in one hand and staff in the other, watching the rest of us with a decidedly jealous look on his face.

Did I say Mazoku couldn't get drunk? Forgive me. Physically, they can't, but mentally, it causes them to become … let's just say a little more open.

Uninhibited wouldn't be too far from the truth either.

_-Oh, the joy of waking Christmas morning,_

_The family round the tree-_

I had, on a whim, bought a small present for everyone- my budget was getting low from food costs- for everyone. Xellos counted in everyone. Which, of course, is why I say, on a whim.

I don't know what made me do it- maybe my subconscious left a hint- but I placed the small gift, a simple gold ring to place on his staff, wrapped neatly in black and metallic purple paper, on the pillow in the room he slept in. Supposedly. Mazoku don't sleep. 

But apparently he intended to head to his room that night. Of course, he was the last one to come up- Lina giving up her pride and dashing upstairs to open her presents, Gourry following with a somewhat confused look on his face, and then Amelia dragging poor Zel to see what she'd gotten.

And then me, finally unable to wait any longer. Just the wrapping was enough to show who had given them- Lina's, messily impatient, green and red, Gourry's, just a scrap of paper hastily taped over, Amelia, brightly cheery, little-girl neatness, and Zelgadis, precise and perfect, down to the last detail. A little black one, in the corner, just … wrapped. Nothing could describe it- it wasn't perfect, it wasn't messy … just … wrapped. You got the sense the paper was simply a necessity, only serving to cover, not decorate. 

I didn't know who it was from, at first. I don't know exactly how I hadn't known- after all; only one person would wrap presents in black paper. 

Xellos … 

_- We had a way of making Christmas morning_

_As merry as it can be-_

That was the first time, I suppose, that I thought of him as anything but Mazoku- the first time, actually, that I had thought of him as anything but a thing at which to direct all my hatred. Later on, he called it 'the first instance of truth'. The second followed not long after, in fact that very morning, in which we sat by one another without complaint, and even shared the smallest of smiles.

And the third came after that, and the fourth, and the fifth, and the twentieth, and the fiftieth, and the hundredth and finally we lost count. 

Then, finally, we had the first instance of … love; I guess you would call it.

It was the same holiday, but many, many years later. The habit of gift-giving had not been lost between the two of us, and that year, in a sudden flash of nostalgia, I bought another staff ornament, a small amethyst star encased in gold, dangling on the end of a golden chain. It was designed so that it would hook onto the ring that was still there- didn't I mention? Over the years, my shop has expanded into something of a gift shop, with all sorts of jewelry, trinkets, ornaments, and hundreds of other things to go along with the pottery. The weaponry section has also grown to include-

Why do I digress again?

Anyways, my gift that year wasn't quite as important as the note that accompanied it. Handwritten, I spent hours fretting over the phrasing, the calligraphy, the paper, and finally settled on something so simple I felt like a dolt for not seeing it at first.

          _Xellos, _

_This year I decided to invoke an old memory. I hope you remember (it is meant to attach to your staff-ring)-_

_ This amethyst is meant to represent the shade of your eyes. The gold is meant to represent the shade of my race. It means, I suppose, that we are friends, that we have bonded in ways I thought not possible. _

_Happy Holidays_

_And I mean it._

_Filia_

It was the closest thing that I would ever come to admitting what I felt for him- friendship, loyalty. Love, but I didn't know it.

He, on the other hand, knew exactly what he felt. And that year, as a present, he gave me a simple pendant, a simple clear crystal with clouds of black swirling in it. At first, when I opened it, I thought it was just cunningly enchanted to look that way, but soon I realized that the hazy black was moving. When I looked at him questioningly, he said two words- but that was enough to break through everything barrier I had and force a decision from me.

"My soul."

_-I close my eyes and see-_

I must have looked like a dunce at that point, my mouth hanging open, the necklace still in my hands, a look of utter surprise on my face. And then he kissed me, and the world came crashing down as my mind floated away and I started to respond to his mouth and … his tongue, slowly tracing my lip, not demanding … not passive.

Then I came back to myself and pushed him away, perhaps a shade too roughly. There was hurt in his face, and I realized then exactly how open, how … trusting we had become. It was like the jewel still in my hands, the jewel that, at any moment, I could shatter, and totally destroy one of the most powerful beings in existence. I didn't even have to physically break it- it was his soul, and should I hurt him enough, it would break on its own. 

That was the first instance of love. After that, I asked him quietly to leave, and he complied with my wishes- I couldn't help noticing how he left without a single saucy comment- but said, so softly even my ears could barely catch it-

"When you understand, summon me."

_-Shiny faces,_

_Of all the children,_

_That now have children,_

_Of their own-_

Jillas didn't know what I should do, and neither did Gravos. I could hardly blame them- they did not know these sort of things, nor should they. Val's reaction ran along the lines of, _'Ew, Mr. Xellos _kissed_ you? Now you both have cooties!'_ which was, after all, to be expected from a boy his age, even if he was a dragon. Amelia's voice took on an off-putting dreamy air, and I suspected she would soon be talking about wedding arrangements- details right down to whether the cake should be pinkish-white or white. But she didn't have any experience with my problem- Zelgadis spent only some time trying to figure out his heart, and they got married almost immediately after he reappeared into her life. 

But Lina confused me the most. When I showed up at the inn she and Gourry were staying in, she let me in their room and yelled for Gourry to go out and 'get drunk or something' ("But Lina, I don't drink!" "Just go!"). Apparently, Amelia had been unable to keep the 'delicious secret' and told Lina. However, Lina's response was something other than I had expected.

"So, is Amelia's information true? The pesky fruitcake finally kissed you?"

Finally? I felt like I had suddenly missed an important plot point about my relationship with Xellos, but at the time I didn't feel inclined to argue details. When I responded with an affirmative, she said, once again totally out of nowhere:

"Good. So the old trickster's got some guts after all."

To that, I simply had to ask.

"What?"

"Look, Fil', don't get mad or something, but it's been painfully obvious he's gone and gotten himself Soulbonded to you." Once again, I was rendered speechless, my mouth agape. "Seriously though, when was the last time you looked at him with astral vision?"

She hit a nerve. It was true, in the old days, on the Darkstar campaign, I frequently glanced at Xellos with astral vision- that is the way to see power levels and, sometimes, moods and feelings. Later, as the need to see him angry shrank, I used it less, and less, until I stopped altogether.

"Gotcha, don't I? Well, take a good look next time he comes around and you'll see what I'm talking about."

I stared at her some more.

"Oh, and Fil'? Try not to hide it." She spoke with the tone of one too often burdened with such people. Or one who was used to the same experience. 

So that was how I found myself sitting at my pottery wheel, staring at the spinning clay, and realizing that I had gone and let myself- not only become Soulbonded- but fall in love with Xellos, Trickster Priest of Zelas Mettallium, Beastmaster, one of the three Mazoku Lords.  

_-Funny,_

_But come December-_

I guess you know the rest of the story, then, don't you? I summoned him, we talked … we confessed … or at least the closest that we'll ever get to confession. And today, he is a common presence in the shop and my house, playing with Valtiera, frightening Jillas and Gravos, or even working. Imagine that- a priest of a Mazoku Lord, selling pottery and trinkets! 

And that's your typical happy ending for you. Oh, we argue (don't we all?), we've had our fights, the usual. But despite that, we're happy. 

And this holiday, I will smile and look on it with laughter, joy, and love.

Good night, Xellos.

"Good night, Fi-chan."

I hate it when he does that. 

No …

I love it.

I love …

Him.

_-And I remember_

_every Christmas, I've known …-_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey minna-san! Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Best Wishes to y'all! 

In case you haven't noticed, lokopata-san, this one's for you. Do~mo ariga~to gozaimashi~ta~ for the Slayers VCDs (you are an ANGEL), and just to let you know, your manga's COMING … but stupid Amazon can't deliver until February. DAAA … RN them. Ne?

Hey, just consider this a belated Xmas presents! 

Love, hugs, kisses, and fireballs,

Lokogato-sama, 

and the rest of us weird-a~ … weird rear-end people at Lokogato Enterprises!

REVIEW, o~negai~? I would SO appreciate it! Hey! Why don't you request a fic? Can't say I write well … but I'll still write one for you!


End file.
